I don’t know how to impress people when I want. I don’t know how to attract attention when I seek it—not that I want it often or from many—but there are times when I do. I used to be able to walk onto a field and just take over. I could outrun, outhit, outhustle and that made me stand out. I could do the same with a platoon or company of Marines. I wouldn’t have to say a thing. My actions spoke for themselves.
I can’t do that anymore. Nobody sees what we do when alone, and seasons in pastures and fields are mostly that—alone. Many give little attention to small things that make larger systems succeed. I have little to show, and wouldn’t know where to display it if I wished.
At this point in life, to be known—to feel seen—I’m learning there is really only one thing I can offer: myself. There are no longer competitions on the field, and attraction is no longer for laurels won but to a self expressed. I’m not the best in social conversations. It takes a while for me to open up, but I can write. So I do.
Writing is the medium where I am most open and honest with myself and, if shared, with others. I don’t know where to find or meet people that share my interests (old books, cattle, forages, and random thoughts), that light my soul and make me want to be and live better. I know they’re out there, but it’s a great world, and we’re on a single letter country road. How does an introvert ever introduce one’s self to the masses?
I write. Writing, I express myself to One and to All, and maybe in unspoken offerings of thought, my mind will resonate with another. Maybe someone will respond and share back. Maybe my words will impress or, better yet, affect another to help them on their way to wherever it is that they are meant to be.
I feel like that’s a lot of life: learning, growing, and moving ever nearer towards an end state Chance, God, Destiny—whatever we may call it—beckons us to be. Sometimes it’s clear. Often, it’s not, but I believe we all begin to discern a purpose to our path if we stay receptive, holding eyes and spirits open.
I still don’t know how to impress people, how to stand out when I want to be seen, but I’m learning better to give and express of myself—share what I would otherwise keep away. I write it down. I give it away. Maybe something within it will give value to another. I have found that in the words and offerings of others, and I believe mine will too, even if I never know.
All we can do is share ourselves.