A BAD MAN

                I believe God sends us messages and signs when we are open to their receiving.  I believe he sends rebukes when needed just as he sends encouragement when that is what our spirits need.  To be open to the messages is to allow God to speak to the pieces and nature within us that we do not always seek to show or share. 

                Last night and this morning, I received repetition of a message.  The first message came in a Jordan Peterson video.  It spoke to atheists and how most become so by being hurt or damaged by someone of faith and religion when a child.

                “When hurt by one professing to be a voice and servant of God, how does one open themselves to faith again?  One would rather disbelieve and live disillusioned than risk such hurt again.” 

                This was the message.

                This morning, I opened an email to a random quote: “Of all bad men, religious bad men are the worst.” 

                The message spoke again. 

                Who have I hurt?  Who have I harmed?  Who have I damaged in the times I failed to live the ideal to which my faith calls? 

                Have I ever been a bad man?  Can a bad man be saved, forgiven?  My belief to each of these is yes.

                We will all fail.  We will all fall short.  This is piece to being human. 

                And as I try and share a faith and spirit, I know very well my sins.  I know my darkness as well as light. 

                “The eye is the lamp of the body.  So, if your eye is healthy your whole body will be full of light; but if your eye is unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness.  If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!”

                I have seen through both eyes, and my seeking to greater live and practice faith is never meant to conceal or deny my sins and humanness.  I seek a greater abut reason I seek God, mercy, and a Better Spirit. 

                In To Light a Fire on the Earth, Bishop Robert Barron speaks to one of his simplest prayers when he is at a loss for what else to say or pray.  “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

                I searched this morning to find that prayer again.  I am a sinner, full of faults—like many, most, of our fellow man—but faith in a good, loving, merciful, and guiding God gives me Hope to continue being better, growing nearer to the full lived-ideal of my faith, knowing there will be times I still fall short.

                Everyday, we become nearer to what we set our eyes upon—what fills our thoughts and spirit. 

                I don’t want to be a bad man.

                “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

                Today is a new day.  I pray with Hope to a good, loving, merciful, and guiding God.

                “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

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