SEEK

“…words are life set down on paper.  So seek out the company of others.”—Paulo Coelho, Aleph

                For most of my lived-life, I ran from that.  When drawn to another, I believed something in me was wrong, that an attraction and draw was something ugly—a weakness and perversion within me—and it took the better part of my so-far lived life to understand affinities are more for soul than for the superficial. 

                There is a pairing, one to the other—yes—but without a deeper draw, there is little that holds and keeps.  I ran from company, the possibility for connections, and my life was a loneliness.  I found company in my children.  They were an innocence I could not deny.

                It took admitting I was lonely for me to begin to seek.  Maybe some of it was wrong, but most of it was right—but that too is a piece of life.  Reading and following the signs—affinities, hopes, and draws as they appear—as best as we perceive and understanding we are and will remain entirely human: imperfect, fallible, and subject to judgment by ourselves and others.

                But hiding, keeping away because you are attracted, that is not the way of the Universe.  Attraction is meant to draw, not repel, and when we defy felt force, we can never be aligned. 

                In my loneliness, when I wrote, I never felt a truth.  Truth isn’t something we create.  It isn’t something we can force.  Like a friend, it is found: a gift discovered in the experiencing and living of life.

                I started to seek, rarely in the physical but in mind and spirit, and maybe it is all imagination, but I perceive response and effect.  I am fallible, human, and understand full and well my ability to perceive wrong.  But getting wrong to make movement nearer to learning right is a piece to life’s experience as well, and in the seeking, I found words. 

                I write them down, record life and dreams as I perceive, and—after—make further movement in the seeking.  It is the only way life, and the words, come true.

“To live is to experience things, not sit around and ponder the meaning of life.”