I went on Instagram this morning. I used a computer and not my phone because it is the phone that sucks and keeps me in (and just like that, I begin to rationalize and seek reason and justification for why I did what I did—when trying not to—signs of a struggle enough).
The first (and only post I saw) spoke:
“Few souls understand what God would accomplish in then if they were to abandon themselves unreservedly to Him and if they were to allow His grace to mold them accordingly.”—Saint Ignatius of Loyola.
Talk about a gut and soul-check. That’s what I want to do, and yet I seek still distraction rather than rest in the quiet and stillness of self, alone, where—in contemplation—God sometimes appears.
But God appeared then—in the message, in the post.
God appears, too, in the interactions we have with others, and I think one of the biggest struggles I, and maybe we all, live is finding that balance of what interactions and exchanges are of and arranged by God, and which are of our own restlessness—not wanting to be alone in the quiet where must confront our souls and selves.
What friendships, relationships, are spiritual? And what are just noise?
I know it doesn’t have to be that deep, but I believe we all know and have felt the difference of the two.
I think it’s interesting too how, when we fail, God uses our failings, too, for good. I failed in beginning effort at staying of social media for Lent—and God shows me a message about abandonment to God to be molded and shaped into who He intended us to be.
That’s what I want, and He gave a reminder—stopping me from any further seek, search, or scroll. He did not scold, shame, or reprimand. He simply reminded, as one who loves, even when the beloved stumbles. He welcomes back, encourages, and returns us to the better course—and shows we’re not alone.
Have you ever lived that? Felt God intercede and return us to a course when something in, or all of, us desired to do different: reminded and returned—not punished and demeaned—when we began to go astray?
Have you ever lived the greater part? Full abandonment and trust? Did you discover and see who it is God desired you to become? Did you become? I’d love to know.
I’m still trying.