Luke 5 begins with Jesus calling his first disciples. The first disciple is Simon Peter. Jesus joins Simon Peter in his boat and, after a full night of unfruitful fishing, Jesus tells Simon to “Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a draught.”
Simon answers with skepticism, knowing—for all the effort he has given throughout the night—there were no fish where and when he sought, but in deference to Jesus, Simon answers “at thy word I will let down the net” to which he brings in a great haul, and calls to a second boat, and the fish filled and nearly drowned the boats in their bounty.
Amazed at the bounty and believing Jesus to be what he proclaims to be, Simon Peter cries, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.”
Jesus answers Simon Peter with, “Fear not: from henceforth thou shalt catch men,” to which “having brought their ships to land, leaving all things, they followed him.”
After, Jesus continues acts of service and signs: cleansing a leper and healing a man with palsy to rise and walk.
Among the witnesses to Jesus’ acts are Pharisees and “doctors of the law” who question Jesus’ abilities and right to forgive sins. It was to this questioning that Jesus spoke and showed in sign, “Which is easier to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee; or to say, Arise and walk? But that you may know that the son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, I say to thee, Arise, take up they bed, and go into thy house.” It was to this commandment the lame man with palsy rose and returned home “glorifying God.”
After this, Jesus receives his next apostle—Levi, a tax collector, who would become Matthew. When Jesus speaks, “Follow me,” Matthew answered in action, “leaving all things, he rose up an followed him.”
As Jesus gains influence, those already in possession of powers in their world began to question Jesus and the company he kept: “Why do you eat and drink with publicans and sinners?”
Jesus answers criticism with his reason and way that is easy to relate, “They that are whole need not the physician; but they that are sick. I came not to call the just, but sinners to penance.”
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In this chapter, the first comment that jumps out to me is Simon Peter’s response when he witnesses and receives the bounty that came from following Jesus’ guidance. In the filled boats and broken nets from the bounty following a single simple command of Jesus brought, he is overwhelmed and tells Jesus, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.”
When truly struck in amazement and humility, we will all see ourselves unworthy. When we come face to face with our sins and imperfections in measure to the blessings life and God bestow upon us, we all will have times we see ourselves as sinful, unworthy, and undeserving of the blessings bestowed upon us still.
These are moments of grace, when we see and are amazed. It’s in these moments we are re-grounded, and re-cententered to see that all in life is blessing and gift. When we are amazed and humbled in this way, and gratitude and gratefulness becomes our after attitude; our spirits and our worlds take on a different perspective when all is colored in a lens of gift and undeserved blessing. When we feel and sense this, it becomes easier to be grateful for all, and also easier to share and give in the same spirit of blessing knowing none of it is really “ours” and that in giving away, we are gifted even greater back.
It may sound ridiculous and foolish to modern material standards, but God is in the paradox, and only when you live it in spirit can we really see and sense its Truth.
Next, when we perceive ourselves as sinners and undeserving of God’s love, which we did not give or seek to begin with, this chapter reminds me that—even in spite of ourselves—God desires to do Good for, and through us, and that we all have something to offer and achieve in accordance with God’s will when we surrender and allow ourselves to be used.
Jesus did not hold in the righteous and empowered in the world. He lived and sought the small, the sinful, the rejected, or little thought of. God is not in the powers of the world, and when we are seeking to improve the condition of our fellow men, powers of the world may not be the best means when simple soul-to-soul action and expression—recognition and empowerment of individual spirits shown and seen to have worth, value, and good—can do far more than the unloving material “charity” that usurped the traditional Catholic meaning of the word.
When Jesus calls Levi, Matthew, to follow, one single request is all it took for Matthew to leave all behind and follow. When called, will we answer as readily? If not, what do we hold to that keeps us back? I know I still have things I hold to that keep me from following as fully as I should.
I think this piece, still having things that keep us from following as fully as we should, are piece to the next criticism of Jesus—the company he keeps—that are reason God and Jesus still seek us. Even when we fall short, are sinners or wrong in the eyes of the world, God and Jesus keep working on us, keep calling to us, encouraging us forward to continue in movement to fulfilling the the full potential—God-purpose—that is in us.
God needs all kinds of people to fulfill his will. How often are the sins and imperfections we discern in ourselves actually beginning points and gifts to fulfilling unique purposes after we shift our eyes from self-damnation and towards positive effects our own self-awareness imperfections affords us to see and achieve—without the judgements of a self-righteous world that sees and damns others, but hides or denies the imperfections within themselves, which we all possess. This is why Jesus and God do not work through the Pharisees and “doctors of the law,” because in their self-righteousness and conviction of a false-professed holiness, they close themselves off to truly doing God’s work and will—because such would require an openness to engage with all, and to the possibility of being humbled, even humiliated, when confronted with their own humanness, imperfections, and possession of a nature inclined to sins. I believe God often bypasses these same types of people today, and God will never be found in the one speaking on behalf of the masses with proclamations of judgement and labels for others, but will exist and manifest in the humble who continue to work with and through individuals who see, respect, and engage with their fellow man at the personal plane which, to me, is the best way to touch and affect another.
I had a moment this past weekend when Simon Peter’s words felt like they could have been mine, when I felt a friend would resent me for a failure on my part to finish a small task that was asked of me, which became bigger in my mind the longer I delayed, and the more embarrassed I was to ask for help and guidance for its completion. I felt a failure, and undeserving, but—just like Jesus—my friend did not see or take much weight in the judgement and denial of favor I placed on myself. He still cared about me, still wanted what he asked of me, and in taking a movement of faith, rather than staying frozen by a foolish embarrassment and self-imposed damnation of self, the hardship and resentment I anticipated fell away, and in place of a dread, a blessing filled the space.
These are some thoughts I have of this chapter, of what it is to be called, wanted, and sought by Jesus and God even when we know we are sinful, undeserving, or not what the world would see as “ideal.” We’re who and why God seeks. If this life is for a refinement and improvement of spirits, souls, and the world that surrounds us: it is only in the self-aware that know we should improve and refine ourselves and what we can affect, where God can affect and influence. Those fixed in their minds cannot be swayed until something strikes their spirit and returns them to contemplation and self-critique.
Though I would not have said this years ago. I believe, often, our sins and imperfections can be blessings. They are what keep us coming back to faith, seeking help for what efforts we ourselves alone can not change, but by the effect and change of a Greater Good, they become blessings and mediums for good rather than the ugliness we saw before and, from hidden shames, can become mediums of strength and intentional effect.
What do you think?